Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
