My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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