I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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