Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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