YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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