I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You need a sexual gate keeper
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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