At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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