i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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