I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
