I wish I could teleport
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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