drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
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He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
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anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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