somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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