If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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