bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
