Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
