this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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