I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
