mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
