is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
