census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
