My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i just sent this text using only my big toe
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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