life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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