You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
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I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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