I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
