You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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