yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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