i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
