if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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