we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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