God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Randomize
