how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We have so much sex to catch up on
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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