Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
