Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
