"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I puked a lego.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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