I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
