he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
