dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
