omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
as a side note pls kill me
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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