did you get engaged???
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
