I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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