so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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