I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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