i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
