i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
