He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
