I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
