I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
