last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
