Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
