I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
