Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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