Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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