How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize