So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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