I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
