The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
