I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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