i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
