I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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