mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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