Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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