sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
That accounts for only three of the penises
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
