my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
