I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
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