I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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