Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize