Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
