Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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