so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
