it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
