What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You took a bar mat shot.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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