Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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