Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
