Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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