Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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