the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
