best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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