I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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