I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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