Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
there was a trapeze. enough said
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
